Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
