did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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