Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Someone shattered a urinal.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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