Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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