Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i dont even know how to be here
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
