"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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