I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
