; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
