I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
