This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize