gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He did a backflip because drugs
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
