so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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