My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
