after a month anything with tits is on the radar
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
