He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize