I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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