Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
