He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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