Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
