Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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