I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm getting married
To pizza
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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