i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
