do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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