The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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