so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
