it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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