suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I still have a little drunk in my system
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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