dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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