I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize