I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
