I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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