someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize