Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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