I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
