dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I touched a dick in church today
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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