Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
