What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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