Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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