somebody snuck up and got me drunk
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
