We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
