apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
