the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
