Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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