i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
