this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
