there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
