He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
