So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
