The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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