If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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