I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
