sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
