hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
