i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
