If that was your dad, he is hot
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
