Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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