I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
