The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
