I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
