hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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