She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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