Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
