First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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