I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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