found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
