No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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