I can tuck mytits in my pants
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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